Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Whew what a crazy 2 weeks it has been! School started and the piles of homework are intense. I am keeping up so far though and determined to do so, even if my brains begin to ooze out of my ears...which I am pretty sure could happen soon!
Math is my enemy number one. I never got very far in math, in fact, I never passed any high school math and it wasn't until college that I finally sort of understood math that I SHOULD have passed in high school. Lame.

Madi Girl had her very first soccer GAME last night! So cute in her sweet little cleats and soccer shorts with a team T. She has the longest legs ever and is a great runner, she needs to work on aggressivness though. That got me thinking, how interesting that we teach our kids to be nice and polite but when it comes to sports we're suddenly screaming from the sideline .....


Ok just kidding, I am NOT telling her to do that (although these days I wouldn't be surprised if a parent somewhere was)...but you get my point. Anyways, her team lost but she was pretty cool about it and just munched away on her PB crackers after.

This morning I woke up late (I blame my homework) so Madi Girl had to eat her breakfast in the car. "Mom, did you bring anything for me to drink?" Oh shoot, no. "Hmm ok so let's see here mom, you woke up late, I had to eat in the car, AND you didn't bring me anything to drink? Ummm BEST MOM EVEEEEERRRR"....yeah, she's 6.

Monday, September 20, 2010 so theraputic

I've been walking around in a funk lately. My head feels stuffy and I can't think straight. My heart starts beating faster than it should and I lose my appetite...whatever was left of it. Go hiking says Fiance, you'll feel so much better. Come with me? No I think you need to go alone, I think you need to have some completely quiet time for you and your thoughts...go into nature and push yourself like you like to do and think. Big fight. And then the realization that he was right. For a long time when I was upset about anything I packed a little day bag and headed out for a new adventure, but I haven't been doing that lately. Life has been getting in the way of me getting AWAY.

So yesterday I went. I packed my bag with the essentials: two iPods, juice, a bag of nacho Bugles, gum, my phone, a camera, and some water for my pup 42. I had spoken to a friend and she recommended a spot that her friend loves and I went. I had to ask 3 people how to get to this rock that I could see in front of me but seemed so far away. Finally the 3rd person knew. I was there. I had made it. didn't look like much but 42 and I started what turned into a 3 hour adventure. We hiked up, down, and ALL around looking at the intense beauty that God had tucked away in this little corner of earth. We got hit with a thunder/lightning storm while at our highest peak. 42 peed on himself and I put us under a big rock to wait out the worst of it. Gorgeous!! I felt like I could touch the clouds. Amazing.

After the storm we went another way. 42 encountered his first chipmunk and again...peed himself. I'm sorry to say, my dog is 50 pounds of ninny. Big ol scardy cat.

While hiking and really just wondering around I thought a lot. Here are some of the things on my mind, because not only is nature therapeutic but so it writing it all out, in black and white so the words take form and I can SEE what's in my head.

I'll take you back on some personal history real fast so this all makes sense. When the ex and I divorced I ended up needing a restraining order. Specifically an anti harassment order. Our little one went to his parents house while I worked and he would see her there. He is hard to trust, drugs and alcohol consume his life more now than ever and I worried constantly about Madi when I knew they were together. A mother shouldn't have to have that fear.

In the middle of July this year, the ex stole from his grandmother (who lives with his mother) 144 narcotic pain killers. 144. She needs to take 6 of them a day. He took 144. A police report was filed....and nothing has been done. For 2 weeks they sent patrols out to his house and he of course would not answer the door or wasn't home. The case has been sent to the PA.

He has not made an attempt to visit Madi since. Thank goodness. My heart breaks for her, but I can rest a little when she is visiting her grandparents.

In the meantime, I did something I should have done a long time ago. I filed new papers with the court (I have no lawyers and I do all of this myself. It is confusing and scary) and he was served.

When I hear a knock on my door I worry that it's bad news. When I hear a car door. When the dogs bark. The stress is often more than I am strong enough for.

Now I wait.

Also on my mind. Is...drumroll One class started last week and the other 2 start..TODAY. Yikes. I can get my books today ( I had to wait for financial aid which I am blessed to be receiving) and I start my next two classes online. 13 Ouch.

I'll be honest. I hate school. I don't like to learn from books and discussions with people I have never met who honestly don't seem to know what they're talking about anyways. I like to learn from hands on experience. I like to do what I am learning.

Madi is always on my mind. Gosh she is so wonderful. She has another counseling session this week. I am WAY too hard on her. I need to remember that SHE's been through everything I have been and looking at it, my goodness she is excelling!!! She lies occasionally ( I cannot stand even white lies) and I need to remember she is 6. She is learning. She is hurt. She is WONDERFUL. She could be having temper tantrums, wetting the bed, failing school....a million things. But she's not. She's thriving. She's reading at a 3rd grade level. She does well in math. She is super social at school and soccer. She listens really well and she eats her veggies. I do not get mother of the year award though because I have been selfish and I have been too consumed with stress to take note and praise her for being so so so amazing.

I haven't eaten any meat since the first week of September and my body is having tiny little funny withdrawal symptoms. For instance I have been dreaming up recipes...sung to me by...wait for it....SINGING SHRIMP SITTING ON TOP OF DANCING COWS!!! I'm not kidding. It's like when I was 5 months pregnant and I started dreaming about Coronas doing the Can-Can with a cane and monocle like Mr Peanut. Weird.

Anyways here is a recipe I dreamed up. Seems like it should work.

You will need:

Penna Pasta

Soft cream cheese cubed

some chopped green onions

a handful of cherry tomatoes halved

some shrimp (I'm ok with eating some seafood every now and then-although I haven't yet..just make sure they aren't singing)

Cook the Penna until just almost done, then in a pan cook up the shrimp in a little butter then melt the CC into it. Add to drained pasta. Also add to pasta everything else. Toss and put in a greased baking dish. I wonder if topping it with some mozzarella would be yummy. Bake at maybe 350 for possibly 20-30 minutes.

Try it...let me know.

Here's a picture from my hike.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Shake it!!

It's been exactly 8 days since I last ate any meat and I feel pretty good about it. Poor fiance though, a friend teased him with some McDonalds, he caved and got a pretty bad belly ache. Bleck.
I donated blood yesterday and now my vein is all bruised and my arm doesn't want to work. Oh no. I'm broken. I try to give blood every 8-9 weeks and I take Madi Girl with me each time to explain to her why I'm doing it and then SHE gets the snack after. Typically my blood oozes on out, this time though, it kept stopping and it took a very long time.
School started yesterday and I finished my first class for week one...thank goodness because my math class starts next week and the thought of it makes me cringe. I hate math. Despise it, really. I wish it would go AWAY forever LOL.
Madi Girl has her second soccer practice tonight and I'm super excited to watch her play! She wants to be a ballerina, but I've seen the kid shake it and baby's got NO rythm so I talked her into soccer last year and she loves it!
I keep having some pretty interesting dreams...some of them scary and some just weird but I wake up to a house of loved ones each morning and know that I am cared for and safe.
It's only Tuesday but it's already been a long week. My thoughts are scattered, as I'm sure you can tell through my flow of words, but life is good! :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

*Almost* nothing with a face please...

This past weekend I went to DMB, while there, some lovely ladies who were part of PETA (people for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) handed me a magazine....

I follow PETA on Facebook, and I know what they're about (I also know that they can be a bit extreme at times) but I've been too busy to really pay much attention to them lately. For years I have been thinking about becoming a vegetarian...I don't really care for meat much anyways, and I think its cruel to coop up an animal then whack off his head.

I took a peek at my magazine on Monday. Sad. So so sad. I am not going to get into details, mainly because I just got home from Wal*Mart and that place DRAINS ALL MY ENERGY, but is everyone aware of where their meat comes from? You can get friendly meat, or you can get angry meat. I encourage everyone to look into PETA, you don't have to agree with everything they say but you should at least check it out. So many animals are cooped up and abused, not to mentioned fed CRAP that we then eat.

Some people may say, so what, it's food...everything dies anyways. Well fine, I understand, BUT if YOU were the food would you rather spend your days in a nice big pasture eating natural things or would you prefer to be in a tiny dirty pen rolling around in your own poop, unable to move, and being filled with hormones and antibiotics till the day you died? Then when you died, would you like it to be quick and painless or a speedy, not always accurate way?? I'm.Just.Sayin'...

My fiance is a hunter, so I thought for sure this would be a battle but after he read the magazine he quickly decided that he didn't want to be a part of animal cruelty either so here's what we came up with, meat substitutes (beans and tofu and such), along with we will simply be careful where we get our meat. Hopefully he'll get some good hunts, if not we'll shop locally.

I encourage you to look into where you're meat comes from and put your heart into it. Also check out ...they have recipes ;)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Fiber LOADED muffins...mmmmm

Years ago before I ever had any interests in any kind of cooking, my Grandma gave me a bread and muffin cookbook: "Pillsbury Best Muffins and Quick Breads".

I'm glad she did, and I'm glad I kept it (I'm a thrower outer...if I don't use it, I toss it). I love just about every recipe in there, they are quick, easy, and super yummy!!!

Here is one of my faves...maybe you'll enjoy it too :)

Carrot Zucchini Muffins ( I like to add blueberries or raisins me, SO good)

2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup rolled oats

3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar

3 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon ( I use 1 full teaspoon)

1/4 teaspoon salt

2/3 cup skim milk

3 tablespoons oil

2 egg whites

1 cup finely shredded carrots (I shred 2 whole carrots)

1/2 cup shredded unpeeled zucchini (I usually have a big zucchini in my fridge so I shred about 1/3 of it. Make sure you leave the skin ON...that's where all the fiber is)

Then to make it extra yummy according to the book:

1/2 cup raisins...I use two big handfuls of raisins or's hard to go wrong here!! ;)

heat your oven to 400 degrees F. Spray your muffin pan or put in the muffin cups...I prefer no paper so I spray.

In a large bowl mix first 6 ingredients. In small bowl mix; milk, oil, and egg whites. Add to dry ingredients and mix until its all just moistened. It's going to seem thick and a little dry but then add your veggies and raisins and/or blueberries and mix, you'll notice the batter is much wetter now. Mix well, until its all blended and smooth, then spoon batter into muffin pan.

Bake about 20 minutes then remove from the pan immediately. Don't burn yourself, I burnt my wrist somehow...ouch. Anyways, eat them warm, they are super yummy!!! enjoy!!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

It's a dogs life

You see these cute mugs?! Oh yeah they're adorable! I'd like to tell you about them. The white one is 42. I adopted him from our local shelter about 3 years ago. He was the only one in his litter that didn't get hyper when I walked in, he is unique, and he is my other baby. 42? You may ask... he was the 42'nd dog to be adopted in the month I got him from that shelter and no other name seemed to fit. Strangely 42 is a perfect fit for him. He's got some issues however: he is allergic to red dye, and has a hemorrhaging disorder where his intestines fill with blood and a terrible mess ensues. Poor guy.
The red one is Sasha. She too has a great story. I first had Sasha when My ex brother in law couldn't keep her. The ex hubs let her run nutty and she was extremely disobedient. I couldn't keep up and I gave her to Rach. Rach and her BF broke up and Rach moved to a no yard residence and Sasha stayed with ex BF. Ex BF gave her away to his friend who moved in with ex hubs then left her there when he left. Ex hubs being so responsible and kind, abandoned her in the backyard of the house we once shared and animal control was called. I received a phone call from the shelter on July 3rd this year saying they had Sasha!!! WHA?! OK!! I call Rach, who had been missing her pooch all this time and had never given her ok to give Sasha away (her leaving Sasha at ex BF's was only temp, and he had said that was ok...then gave poor pooch away) and she went and scooped up her dog. How do I have her again? Rach and I share our place and our pups. We love them like kids and they are wonderful. They fight like dogs sometimes and we have to scream to break them up but they are wonderful and loved. I decided to blog about them because sweet Sasha just gave me a swollen cheek as she overly excitedly ran past me while I was squatting to pick something up....awe...sweet sweet dogs ;)

DMB...who me?!

You might ask "what's DMB?" I did too when I met my fiance...all he ever talked about was his love of DMB...Dave Matthews Band. I'm pretty sure he would leave me for Mr. Dave...yes, he loves him THAT much. I used to hear alot of noise when I listened to sounded chaotic and loud, no structure whats so ever. Then Fiance had me really listen. Closely. Over and over again (he may have brain-washed me thinking back on it now) and now I hear beautiful lyrics with sounds so full of life and art. Beautiful noise is what I'm talking about here. Why am I talking about it? Two reasons really. The first reason...never dismiss something upon first glance (or listen) you might miss out on something beautiful and touching. The second reason...I'M GOING TO SEE DMB ALL WEEKEND!!!! YES!! I went last year, and like Fiance, got a little crush on Mr. Dave myself, and really just had an amazing time. I rarely go to concerts, I am fine not spending all that dough...but this is a fun, special, "get away from it all", good time for Fiance and I and I am super stoked. Yes, stoked! Thank you to my wonderful wonderful sister who will be watching Miss Madi for us :) we love ya!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My baby is all "growed" up

Today my little one went to FIRST GRADE! Unbelievable! I had planned to wake her with a song and dance but I hit the snooze button a few too many times, and took way way WAY too long in the shower and she beat me out of our rooms! So, I greeted her at the kitchen bar enjoying her bowl of cereal and looking so so YOUNG!!! She can't go to first grade are you kidding me?! She's just a BABY!!! What's wrong with society taking my baby and putting her with big kids?! Ok Ok deep breath...whew. I'm back. Anyways, we both woke up too early and had alot of time to kill. I did her hair twice and cleaned pet hair off her pants after she decided to roll on the floor...who does that?! ;) She's excited. I'm excited. Then finally we leave. It's a 15 minute drive and she's got ALOT to talk about this morning...we get to school and yup, it's a zoo. Then, she tugs on my hand and we stop in our tracks...Mama, I'm shy. WHAAAAAAAAAT?! Hold the phone! Who are you?! Where's my girl?! MY girls not shy!! I must have lost my kid in the zoo of kids in the school parking lot. I kneel down to take a look...same angelic and mischievous face....same funky hair....weird. I ask her why she is shy all of a sudden. She's not sure, so I say "Baby smile, hold my hand and keep on walking". We get to class and BOOM...BFF from Kindergarten is here!!!! HOLLA!!! in a moment they are off and running to the playground (eek! SO MANY BIG KIDS!!) and life is good. When the bell rings, I watch her line up, and walk into class. I kiss her cheek as she passes and tell her to be nice to everyone and that I love her. Then I am thankful for my big over sized sunglasses as I walk away because me - tough Mom wearing the camo jacket- is teary eyed that my baby is growing...

Hi, I'm back

I'm back...possibly, we'll see how long it lasts. Last time I blogged I was separated from my husband of 6 years, going into the unknown journey of divorce. Whew!!! what a whirlwind it's been. I have marched to hell's doors and back a few times now and the battle continues. Whoever said divorce is easy is a liar....oh wait, has anyone EVER said that?! Probably not. On the other hand I have it remarkably better than most. I have not traveled this journey alone, on my team I've had amazing family support (including from his family, who would've thunk), my best friends (I include my sister in the best friend AND amazing family categories), and my beloved fiance and his family...yes fiance. :)
In this past year I have found in a friend something that I thought only existed in movies, my parents relationship, and my sister and brother-in-law's relationship...true, nauseatingly mooshy, bring a box of tissues because its so sweet, LOVE.
Six years in a marriage wondering what the point of "tying the knot" had been. No partnership, no friendship, no trust....and then, just when I thought that that was as good as it got...something great came around and swept me off my feet.
So it hasn't been that long but here's what I think: Life is way to stinkin short to care.
My 6 year old adores him and he is so good to her, this divorce has been hard on her and although I do my best to shelter her from the ugly, she is smart beyond her years and knows what's up. Maybe that's for the least that's what her therapist says.
So although life is moving 100 paces ahead of me, I will do my best to keep up and I will also try to blog about it. Not because I think anyone of the world really cares, but because it's therapeutic.
This year we are enjoying our new beautiful house that we rent, with one acre of lush beautiful grass to run free on, and everyone in this house is heading into school! Yikes. I have been accomplishing my goal of making one-brand new to me-meal a week and plan to blog about that too. You don't have to follow me, you don't have to comment, but if you do decide to come along, I think we will have fun. :)